Breeze
by ShimmersAndRipples
Summary: As Chihiro grows up, she sees Haku around a lot. But their relationship is not what she wishes for. Can she change that?


**Author's Notes:**

Inspired by Masako Fuyuki's idea that Chihiro's parents could retain some of their piggish qualities.

Many thanks to my wonderful beta **Hana no Kamisama**

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Spirited Away. I'm simply doing this for fun.

It turned out that after the Oginos got home, that some things could not be fully restored. Chihiro's parents returned to humanity in both character and appearance, and in many other things but one: they ate, and ate, and ate. They gained a hideous amount of weight. Their skin glistened. Their movements grew heavy. Yuuko complained she didn't fit into any of her old clothes. Still they ate. Moreover, they expected their daughter to do the same.

"You are way too thin," her mother would say worriedly. "Eat."

"I'm stuffed," the girl resisted.

"No way! You are not getting up from the table till your plate is clear!"

The quiet resolution Chihiro had learned recently came in handy.

"If I eat it I'll probably puke all over the floor."

It worked. Yuuko hated it when her floors got soiled. The next time it worked again. When it didn't work any longer, other things did. However, the problem was not only the portions of food consumed and offered. Her parents' entire lives seemed to revolve around food now: if they were not shopping for food, cooking, eating or cleaning afterwards, then they would be speaking of the aforementioned. Chihiro tried to talk to them: she had seen a program on the results of over-eating, and the school library came in handy as well. Her father waved a hand dismissively:

"Nonsense. We are as healthy as it gets."

Chihiro took to spending more and more time outside.

Kids who would rather be anywhere than home naturally gravitated towards each other, and together they often learnt all the things it was better to remain ignorant of. Chihiro was eleven when she lit her first cigarette.

As she took her first hesitant drag, a gust of wind out of nowhere snuffed the cigarette. Her older friend clicked his lighter, and another puff of air extinguished the flame as well. Together the kids huddled with their backs against the sudden draught and finally managed to relight the cigarette. Chihiro made another drag. The next one went in too deep and reduced her to a coughing fit. The next moment the wind snuck up around them and raged into her face, tearing the offending object from her fingers.

It may sound strange, but she knew exactly where that wind came from.

"You are not my Mommy!" she said indignantly.

"Who are you talking to?" her friends were looking at her strangely now, and she said something stupid by way of an explanation. _Great! Now I'm a weirdo!_

In the evening the breeze crept through the open window to ruffle her hair and play with the papers on her desk.

"You are not my Mommy," she repeated to it.

The breeze wound its way around her head.

"No, I'm not," a voice said in her mind. "She would have had your head, and I'm simply saying: isn't your life short enough without this?"

"Not everybody gets lung cancer, you know," Chihiro huffed, somehow unsurprised.

"And that is why _you_ will never get it," the familiar voice intoned. "Isn't that what your parents always answer?"

The wind left through the window, but the words stayed with Chihiro. She was never sure, though, whether she really heard them or if they were just a figment of her imagination.

xxx

It turned out, in a group of teens where smoking was a means of rebellion, a non-smoker was an outcast. Chihiro sought refuge elsewhere, and found it in the library. Fantasy worlds were numerous, and she embraced them happily. By fourteen she was a notorious daydreamer and bookworm, and as such was an easy prey to people of a certain sort.

"Hey, nerd!" a voice called as Chihiro was walking home, a stack of new books in her arms. Katsu, the school clown, danced out of the bushes.

"Lay off," Chihiro grumbled.

"Nerdie-nerdie!" the boy sang. "Nose in the book! Oi! Watch out! Don't you fall on it _yet again_!"

He made as if to snatch at her books. Chihiro whirled to get out of reach and tripped over her own feet, falling flat on the said nose. The books scattered around her. _Of course_. She blinked back tears of humiliation. Then she felt it. The air gathered momentum as it swished past her. Chihiro raised her head in time to see Katsu give a yelp and tumble backwards, as if slipping on ice. His feet stuck up comically. The grass whispered dangerously around him as wind rose. Now, what would a normal heroine do at a moment like this? She would gloat, watching her enemy's downfall, then flatten him with a snide remark and sashay off, victorious. Chihiro wasn't a normal heroine. She whispered a forceful "No!" to the rising wind and scrambled to the boy's side.

"Are you all right?" she asked.

He was sitting up already, rubbing the back of his head.

"Yeah," he was looking at her curiously. "And you?"

"I'm fine," she turned away to gather her books. The cover of one was almost torn off. "Kawamate-sensei will be livid."

The librarian had a typical trait of being fiercely protective around her books. Even her fondness for Chihiro wouldn't outweigh that.

"I can fix it," Katsu said, taking the book from her. "Well, Mother can, anyway. She's good at it."

"Is she?" Chihiro gave him a tentative smile.

"Well, she has to be, with me for a son," he grinned.

As they were leaving, Chihiro turned to whisper "Thank you!" A gentle breeze ruffled her fringe in reply.

In the months to come she thought she saw the wind here and there. She was never sure, but she smiled at it every time, just in case.

xxx

By the time Chihiro was sixteen, she had grown tired of the library. She hung out with a group of girls from her class, experimenting with their hair, painting their nails all the colours of the rainbow and pouring over magazines. Sixteen is an age of crushes: crushes on classmates, boys next door, pop and movie stars. Chihiro didn't really have a crush, but she thought Katsu was kind of fun. He was always extremely silly around her and kept staring at her during intervals. Finally he managed to stay serious for a full minute and asked her out.

They watched some silly movie at the cinema, his commentary in her ear reducing her to helpless giggles, and then walked home slowly, holding hands. The side-street into which they had turned was quite empty. Gradually they slowed to a stop. He turned to her and she tilted her face expectantly.

And then, out of the blue, a shower poured down on them.

Later she noticed the suspiciously small area the shower touched. At the moment, though, they simply stood gaping at each other. Then the downpour was over, as if someone had switched it off. Chihiro pushed her plastered hair away from her face. That had been a nice hairdo.

"Oh, no," Katsu hushed, looking down at the ruined shirt that was a bit too big for him. "Ise's gonna kill me. He's sooo gonna kill me."

He looked really pitiful, for once devoid of his usual humour. Chihiro sent him home to the dryer. When he left, a warm breeze lapped around her shoulders.

"Look," she said firmly. "I appreciate it that you are looking out for me, but that was a bit too much, don't you think?"

The wind rustled in the nearest tree, unrepentant.

"Katsu wasn't going to hurt me. He is actually very nice."

The wind rattled the open windows in the house to the right. He disagreed.

"He is nice," she repeated, shivering, and then narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "You aren't jealous, are you?"

The wind puffed a contemptuous handful of dust in her face.

"Well," she tried to control her voice as she wiped at her eyes. "That's what people do, you know. When they grow up, they have boyfriends. They go to the cinema. They hold hands. They kiss."

The bushes at the roadside squeaked and groaned. Chihiro crossed her arms on her chest. Her teeth were chattering. _Oh, great! Now she was going to catch a cold on top of it all!_

"Yes, they kiss!" she cried. "You are still not my Mom and I'm a big girl now! I'm already sixteen! And tonight I was supposed to get kissed for the first time in my life. You can't even begin to understand what it means! And now it's all ruined and… and… _you_ might as well kiss me goodnight, Momma!"

Well, she didn't mean it literally. After all, she had got so used to his airy form it was hard to imagine him in any other way. She was simply mad, the way a young girl would be if she had expected a romantic interlude, and got drenched and cold and disappointed instead. Chihiro felt stupid immediately and even wanted to apologize, but she didn't get the chance. Without any mysterious sparks or shining halos he solidified right in front of her. Wasn't he supposed to be much shorter? And younger, too? She didn't have time for any more thoughts, let alone words. Rather unceremoniously Haku grabbed her face and did as he was bidden.

It was no shy hesitant experience she had pictured as her first. It was certainly not Momma's peck on the cheek. It was a full-fledge kiss, lingering and filled with passion, and it left her weak-kneed and gasping for air.

"Satisfied?" he murmured against her lips, and melted out of sight. His wind tore along the grass patch and up through the distant trees. She looked after him in a daze. It took her a while to realize she was now absolutely dry.

xxx

He did not appear for a week. She thought perhaps he was repentant. Or shy. Only he didn't strike her as a person who would be shy. Perhaps she hadn't lived up to his expectations. But then, how could she? He knew she had no experience. Boy, this was humiliating. And frustrating. And altogether confusing. She was sick of the fact that her mind kept returning to it.

On the morning of the eighth day she opened the door, and the rose buses nodded and rustled their leaves.

"Hey there," she said and decided to let it pass.

Sometimes he would show up every day. Trees dropped their leaves on the path in front of her, grasses whispered around their porch; raindrops drew whimsical landscapes on her window. Sometimes he would disappear for a while, and she would catch herself staring into space or listening for sounds that weren't there. Waiting seemed to stretch into eternity. Still, he always returned.

Katsu approached her again. She told him firmly she didn't see him as anything but a good friend. He mocked her mercilessly after that. Chihiro was angry, of course, but more than that she was sorry for him. After all, it was not his fault that air whispered around her face when she opened the window in the morning, and tossed her pony about when she rode her bike. Then school was finished, and Katsu left for Tokyo.

xxx

By nineteen all the interesting boys in her year at University knew enough about passionate kisses, and not only kisses. Chihiro wouldn't mind finding out, too. However, her focus was sadly limited. _And_ her focus remained elusive. She was used to talking to him when they were alone, and he always answered, though never by words. She asked to see him in his human form again.

"I promise not to annoy you," she said.

"You never annoy me," the wind seemed to murmur in her ear, playing with a loose strand against her cheek.

Not much to go by, really.

Finally she decided to provoke him. She was not good at such undertakings, so she applied for friendly advice. _That_ she got in large quantities. There was a boy in her study group that always paid more attention to her than to the other girls. She asked him to go shopping for New Year presents with her. Together they combed through the mall. They laughed, bumped shoulders and in the end held hands. Chihiro was more than satisfied.

At the exit from the mall she said she had to be elsewhere, and promised to call. As she walked home, wind accompanied her. It tore at the treetops and whirled snow in the air.

"Angry, are you?" she muttered. "I don't see why you should be. It is I who should be angry."

She was in her street now, but instead of going to the house she turned into the grove behind it.

"You kiss me like it's the end of the world, and then you just up and leave! What I am supposed to think?" She made her way to a meadow that used to be her hiding place. The trees all around her tossed and creaked in disagreement. "You never talk to me," she cried into the clearing. "You never show yourself to me, and half of the time you are not even here!"

"But half of the time I _am_ here, aren't I?" a voice said to her left.

Chihiro whirled and stared. And stared some more. And then blushed as she realized what she was doing. Well, who could blame her? He was gorgeous. She had forgotten the truth of that. And he was observant, too: a small smile touched his lips as he watched her, and she looked away, now positively crimson.

"Chihiro, there are things in my world that I need to go back to, need to do regularly. And in _your_ world there is no home for me anymore. I have so little power left here. Last time I came to you like _this_, I had to stay away for a week till I was strong enough to return."

That took a few moments to sink in. Did it hurt, the last time he was forced to go back? Would it hurt again today?

"What about all those stories of kami visiting mortal women in their human form?" she asked quietly. "Are they just that - stories?"

"No," he replied coolly, "Usually kami would come to the woman he has chosen only for one night. It would be possible even for a spirit that has no home to sustain him here. After that the woman would bear his child. Would you like that?"

Chihiro gaped. Oh, she wanted children – sometime in remote future, but clearly not now – what with the university and all her plans. She wanted to have a husband and a normal family, too. Just like everybody else. Not that she was looking for a long-standing commitment at the moment.

"So, you see now," he said softly.

Oh, she saw it well enough. She closed her eyes against the familiar sting.

"You knew all along that there could be nothing," she managed through the tightness in her throat. "Why, then, do you interfere in my relationships?"

In the tense silence that followed she wished she hadn't said it. She knew the answer. What was the good in hearing it?

"For purely selfish reasons," he said levelly. "And you are absolutely right. You should build your life according to human ways. My meddling was officious and out of place. I apologize. It will not happen again."

"Wait!" she cried after his wind as it surged skywards and dwindled into silence.

She paced the meadow well into dark, cursing herself and her stupid tongue, cursing her father who had dragged them through the stupid clock-tower tunnel, cursing the stupid, stupid tears, and all the time thinking, thinking whether he was hurting, and whether he would hurt for long.

xxx

The next day his wind did not return. He didn't return the next week, nor the next month. The rosebushes stood still by the side of the house. Raindrops slid in straight lines across her window. She waited for him every day. She strained her eyes and her ears for signs that never came. Then she learned to live without it.

The boy from her group became her first boyfriend. He was sweet and nice, and thoroughly bored her by the end of the first month. Ryo came three months later. With him things went way further, though with due caution. He was good-natured and energetic, with a fresh idea how to pass the time every day. Things were fine until he dumped her for another. He was tired, he said by way of an apology, tired of waiting for her to wake up from her daydreams and finally look _at_ him, not _through_ him. It hurt even more because it was the truth. But eventually she got over that as well.

For a while there was no one. Then Chihiro met Sho. He was a couple of years older than she. He was earnest, hardworking and determined. She felt safe beside him. Every second she knew that he cared. He was serious about their relationship from the start. He had charming parents who adored her. He had great friends. A year after they met he proposed to her. That company in the neighboring town had offered him a stable job. With his salary they would be able to get an apartment quickly, and later, hopefully, a house. She wouldn't have to work, but if she wanted to, he wouldn't mind. It was everything a girl could wish for. For a while Chihiro tried to talk herself into it. In the end she refused him.

After their final talk she walked half the way home. She marched along the streets to her house. She stomped through the forest to the familiar meadow.

"Nigihayami Kohaku-Nushi!" she demanded, but her voice broke on the last syllable. "Are you even here?" she hushed desperately.

"Of course I'm here," a voice said to her left. "I'm always here."

Wordlessly, she drank him in: the cut of his hair, his long slender arms, his dear face.

"You have been here all this time? You never showed yourself."

"I promised not to interfere."

She gave a short humourless laugh.

"A lot of good it did me."

She sat down heavily on the nearest log and swallowed her useless bitter tears. Where were all her plans now? Where were her ambitions?

"I'd love to have your child," she whispered.

For a moment there was silence. And then he was sitting on the log beside her.

"You know," he said as she blinked. "River spirits are somewhat peculiar in their ways. While other kami would take human brides for one night, river spirits prefer to take their brides with them. If the bride is willing, of course. Not every woman is ready to leave everything behind. For, you see, she will never return."

Chihiro leaned towards him, clutching the front of his shirt for support.

"I don't care if I never return."

Then he kissed her. Or perhaps she kissed him – she wasn't sure, and it didn't matter. She was clinging to him like to a lifeline. He was crushing her against his chest, making it difficult to breathe. She didn't care. Haku pulled her with him and she felt a soft tug as they crossed the border, falling, floating. The grass on the other side was soft when they tumbled into it. It rustled and whispered around them as they poured into each other. And they whispered, too – breathless oaths of love and tenderness and devotion. Then, when the first rays of the morning sun mingled with the leaves above, she climbed his long white back and together they sprang higher and higher to the sun, to the clouds, and they were the wind, and the rain, and the sky.


End file.
